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My Mother Recaps Week Four

Bears win over the Raiders, 22-20.

Mom: I watched most of the Bears game, other than my football nap, I watched most of it. Every so often you have to have a football nap. Maybe two or three. [laughs] It depends on the game and how much it puts you to sleep. This game did not put me to sleep. Did I watch the whole thing Rocky? So I watched most of the game, I don't even know if I fell asleep at all. It was pretty exciting.
Interviewer: I only watched a little.
Mom: You told me you weren't going to watch the game until they won. But so I guess you were watching the game.
Interviewer: I didn't think I'd be able to see it, but it was Oakland, so I did.
Mom: Yeah, they're your city. So now you have the cities of two losing teams. I could see why you wouldn't want to be a football fan. Maybe you should root for San Francisco.
Interviewer: They're not that good either.
Mom: I don't know. Maybe you should move.
Interviewer: Maybe I shouldn't watch football.
Mom: Well, that's stupid. Anyway, the Bears won. What was the score? I know I wrote it down here and now I don't have it. [long pause] I don't know. It was like 24 to 20 I think. Oh, 22 to 20. Yeah. "What did I think of the game," is what you're going to ask me. I thought Cutler looked pretty good only because he had protection. I'm getting thumbs up from the peanut gallery. [laughs] He had good passes. I did like that the team wore their pink socks for Breast Cancer Month. That was very nice. Robbie Gould looked good. He had three field goals, and he was named NFC Special Teams Player of the Week. Do you know what does it mean to be a special teams player? 
Interviewer: I know, but do you want to say? 
Mom: I know there are parts of teams called special teams. I guess because they play special positions. Or because they're special! So, what do you think? 
Interviewer: I know what a special teams player is. They're people who don't play offense or defense. 
Mom: And they're thrown into the special teams. 
Interviewer: They're the kicker or the punter. 
Mom: I guess they're special. Anyway, it was team player of the week for special teams. And he did have a good game, he looked great. And again all the pressure was on him to win the game. There were three or four seconds left and he kicked the field goal. He's either the hero or the villain, you know? I'd hate to be in his position, but he did a good job. And then there was a new punter-slash-holder for him, for the team and for Robbie, who held the ball for him to kick it. Lanning. L-A-N-N-I-N-G. 
Interviewer: I don't know that person. 
Mom: He got signed onto the team Saturday and off the team today, I think. I guess because Pat O'Donnell had a knee. You know, how people have knees and hamstrings and ankles. Can't he play with the other knee? He only needs one knee. K-N-E-E-D-S one knee.
[laughs]
Mom: So now poor Lanning is off the team, even though he did a really good job. I liked the way they played though. I liked Cutler's protection. He looked a lot better than I've seen before. Possibly it's the new coach.
Interviewer: Could be. Could be a bad team they played. Could be they have all their guys now.
Mom: Could be. But I did listen to Fox's report to what's coming up and the injuries. He said, so-and-so has a hamstring. So-and-so has an elbow. So-and-so has an ankle. And then so-and-so has a concussion. So I want to know why he doesn't just say, so-and-so has a head. Like, every other injury is a body part, but a concussion is a medical term, right? They have a hamstring, they have an ankle, they have a toe. But concussion, he says concussion.
Interviewer: "He has a head." 
Mom: That's right. I got a head. Anyway, on Sunday they're playing Kansas City. Both teams have the same record, 1-3. However, Kansas City's three losses have been to teams that are now 4-0. Yeah. 
Interviewer: Oh really. 
Mom: Oh! You and dad are both like "Oh really." Oh, I guess Mom is not that dumb. Oh! Yeah, the Broncos, the Packers, and the Bengals. So maybe Kansas City is better than they think and they should be afraid. So, that is all I have about the Bears. I don't know if they will win or loss on Sunday. I'm not making any promises. 
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